about internet identity and why i've mostly given up on it
for as long as i can remember, i've almost always been the dude who doesn't use my name and uniform identity for internet handle. there were a few exceptions in my early days but, i mostly came with whatever sounded cool for me at the time. it's a combination of the way i've been living and also a newfound interest in digital privacy.
i was raised in a very strict, conservative family and like many kids who didnt feel the sense of belonging or just had their rebellious phase, i have to be careful about my internet identity. it was in junior high where it kicked off, mainly because i had a backstreet partner whom i can't really have anyone from my surrounding to know about that. i started carefully curating my follower list who gets to be in the know, turning private account toggle on and off constantly because i needed to have a validation too back the (more on that next time). i constantly dodged inquiries from family and relatives alike, asking about my social media account. eventually, i caved in to some request but i made crippled them from much of update from my account, and even removing them from my mutual list discreetly and blame it on some error. i had to migrate my social media entirely a few time in school bcs i can't really use those cards i said above forever and at one point i just put everyone in the know in "close friend" list, be it true or not. it was tiring in hindsight but it happened.
flash forward, the relationship i was desperately trying to hide was over by a long time and i don't have anything to hide anymore. but the thing is, it has turned into something baked into my life. i have never been comfortable of having my social media with the presence of my family, relative and people around me. i had my biggest social media "dip out" ever at around early junior year. instead of just migrating from one account to another, i nuked almost every single of my internet presence, down to changing my phone number. i cut off every single one of connections from the past except for my current bud. it was a liberating re-do for me because it helps me relieves some of the baggage from my past and move on with my life. i get less nagging from family and friends too nowadays because they probably know from my track record that i want to be left alone, though i believe most of my family just think that i don't do social media anymore. the last one is my official excuse and also "i only have a burner for seeing stuff".
in my re-do phase, i have uni colleagues as a mutual but most of them i have hid their update from me and my update from them. i feel like my relationship with them was no more than a shared context colleague. i try to connect with people from all around the world (japan notably because i have an interest in it and also will move there in a few months), though it mostly ended up in a snag where i'm stuck in just acknowledging each other's presence. i'll try to proceed but that's too much tmi for this blog topic. going back to it, even with random handle, i still tried to maintain a uniform handle across some platform. that until a few months ago when i think i accidentally revealed my insta handle to my relative while i was using my browser. i immediately did the contingency plan, deactivated for about 2 weeks, then went back up and changed my handle. it wasn't the first time i was caught lacking, but it was kinda sad because i kinda liked that handle. now, my handle across almost all of my internet presence is different to prevent that kind of incident from happening again.
all of that above aligns with a newfound interest of mine in digital privacy. as i said in my previous blog, i've grown disillusioned with the way the internet is going orwellian dystopia. aside from my handle, i also use email masking service with simplelogin. i bought its lifetime plan for about 299$. at first i was like man this is a bad impulse buy, but then i was like fuck it i'll use it to the fullest so that i don't regret it. i know use a separate alias for every single services online, numbering about more than 50+ now. the only achilles heel in this setup is phone number because there's no easy way to mask it (at least in my region). i hope i can do it much better when i move to japan.
i don't know how to end this, but with all being said, i have no uniform internet handle now, i use email masking service, and i change handle every other month. it's not the most convenient setup for most people but it is a need for me to preserve the peace of mind. i think i might pull another big dip out in the future, but for now it's fine. that's about it, until next time!